“I think I scared him off!” Gosh, that’s never something you want to be saying about a man you actually like, is it? As much as you want to believe that he’s actually as busy as he says he is, your heart is telling you that he’s been absent because you came on too strong. What did you do? Did you talk about marriage before he even suggested dating exclusively? Maybe you told him that you loved him before he was ready to hear it? Whatever it was you did, the end result is what you really have to deal with now. He’s made himself scarce, you’re panicking and that planned future you had with him is all disappearing into the mist. You’ve got two choices in this situation. You can either succumb to defeat and just let him sneak out of your life forever or you can reinvent yourself in his eyes. The latter sounds so much better, doesn’t it? You may have messed up but you definitely have a chance to redeem yourself.
Scaring off a man is much easier than most of us realize. The beginning stages of a relationship look very different from a male and a female perspective. When we of the female persuasion meet a man we are fond of we tell him because honesty is always the best policy, right? It is, but to an extent. If you come on too strong before he’s ready to hear it, he’ll run for the door as fast as his feet will carry him. The same is true if you let it be known on the first, second or even third date that you’re the marrying kind and you imagine that the babies you’ll lovingly make with him will be adorable. He will panic and the easiest way for any man to deal with relationship panic is to flee.
Now that you’ve been enlightened as to why you may have scared him off it’s time to undo this dating error. First and foremost, give him some time. Bombarding him with calls, emails or text messages telling him how sorry you were won’t cut it. Your behaviour will trump your words and all he’ll see is you trying harder than ever to get him to want you. You can’t allow this to happen.
Once a bit of time has passed, as in two or three weeks, call him up and keep it brief. If he doesn’t answer (and it’s very likely he won’t) leave a short message just saying that you wanted to see how he was, that you’ve been very busy and it would be great to catch up over a coffee at some point. The “at some point” part of this is crucial as it gives the impression that you’re not clambering to see him and that you’re not desperately trying to repair the already crumbling relationship.
Your message will probably be enough to intrigue him into calling you back. Again, no rushing to see him and no professing your desire to spend the rest of your days wrapped in his loving arms. Be calm and tell him that you’re busy through next week but you’d love to grab a coffee right after work in a couple of weeks. Don’t sound desperate and control your nervousness so you don’t sound too giddy to be hearing his voice. Then end the call and leave him alone until you meet.
By handling this delicate situation in this direct and non-threatening way you’re showing him that you’re not the lovesick fool who is running after him the way you used to. If you did indeed scare him off, your new, relaxed and uncommitted attitude will show him that he may have misread you initially. We all can change and showing the man you’re interested in that you can may be the saving grace you’ve been searching for.
If you truly do feel a special spark with a man, don’t allow your mistakes to ruin your chances for getting to know him better and for exploring your connection. We all mess up sometimes and there are actually several common relationship blunders that we, as women, are guilty of. It’s so difficult when a man pulls away because of something you did. Once you understand why men lose interest it’s easy to shift the dynamic back to a more positive place.