Posts Tagged ‘my husband wants to separate’

My Husband Wants a Break! Why This May Save Your Marriage

Possibly the worst thing any woman can hear her husband say is that he wants a break from the marriage. Regardless of how a man tries to spin this news, it boils down to the very same thing. He isn’t happy within the relationship and he wants time, distance and space away from his wife. The moment your husband shares this news with you, you’re going to start wondering whether you should seek out the counsel of a divorce attorney. It’s understandable why you’d immediately jump to the conclusion that a divorce is on your inevitable horizon. Your marriage doesn’t have to become another negative statistic. If your husband does indeed express his desire for a break, be careful with how you respond to him. You may just be able to use this to your advantage as a helpful tool to rebuild your crumbling marriage.

State Exactly How You Feel as Clearly as You Can

Obviously if you love your husband deeply you’re not going to want to take any type of break within your marriage. You must explain this to your husband in a very direct and understandable way. When a woman becomes overly emotional it’s very common for her spouse to pull back. Men, in general, don’t want to deal with a woman who is crying, upset or angry. That’s why it’s essential that when you respond to your husband’s declaration that he wants a break, that you do it while you feel somewhat calm.

State that you don’t want the marriage to end and that you will take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that doesn’t happen. Be prepared for him to react negatively to this. That’s completely expected and understandable however for the future of your marriage it is important that you make your position clearly understood.

Respect Your Husband’s Feelings

Telling your husband that he can’t have a break won’t end well. What will likely occur is that he’ll feel even more alienated from you and he’ll take his leave immediately. Not respecting what he’s feeling can even result in him filing for divorce right away. That’s obviously not something that you want to have happen.

You must show him that you respect that he’s not feeling happy or fulfilled within the marriage anymore. Listen to him attentively when he shares with you why he’s feeling what he feels. Don’t discount those feelings by telling him that it’s just a phase he’s going through or the difficult things he is feeling will pass. He wouldn’t want a break if he felt that this was all solvable with the marriage the way it is.

Consider How a Break May Benefit You Both

The idea of a separation can be terrifying to any woman who is deeply devoted to her husband and their relationship. It’s very important that you don’t completely close your mind and heart to the idea that taking a break can actually revitalize a crumbling marriage.

If your husband is continually insistent on the idea that he wants and needs a break, you may want to agree to it on your own terms. Those terms should include going to marriage counseling together, talking daily and putting in a true and determined effort to save the marriage.

If you simply tell your husband he can take a break and then you two don’t communicate or work towards resolving the issues that have pulled you apart, you can expect the marriage to eventually fail. You must both be committed to using the break as a springboard towards more mutual understanding.

Use the time apart to think about what you want in your marriage and what part you can play in making that happen. Don’t rely solely on your husband to get his emotions together or to work out his own issues. A marriage is in every sense a partnership so you must work hand-in-hand towards rebuilding it. That applies whether you’re working through your problems under the same roof or whether he’s taken a break and is living separately.

If a break seems inevitable try and view it from a positive place and use the time and experience as a springboard towards an even better marriage than you two had before.

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