When you’re in a dating relationship and you start feeling those twinges of love in your heart, you are going to want to express that to your boyfriend. Some women come right out and tell the man in their lives what they are feeling. But should you say “I love you” to your boyfriend if he has yet to say it to you? The answer may surprise you.

If you say “I love you” to your boyfriend before he’s ready to hear it, it may actually damage your relationship beyond repair. Many men are a little commitment phobic and when they feel that the woman they are with is falling too deep too quickly it will make them pull back. Some will even pull so far back that they will disappear.

Men retreat into themselves for a number of reasons. One big reason they do is because they feel emotionally vulnerable. If you make it obvious too early in the relationship that he’s the only one for you, he’s going to feel pressured. He’ll feel pressured into reciprocating those feelings even if he doesn’t. That’s the reason so many women say “I love you” to their boyfriend and he replies “me too.” “Me too” is not that same as “I love you.” It’s much less committal so don’t read too much into it.

Men want to be the ones who chase and catch you. If you make it blatantly obvious to your boyfriend that you are his, without reservation, you’re not as interesting to him anymore. This is particularly true if he’s still sorting through his feelings for you. He wants a challenge and if you aren’t the one giving him that, he’s going to go looking for it with someone else. Never say “I love you” to your boyfriend unless you truly believe he’ll say it back and mean it.