Your life hasn’t gone exactly the way you imagined it would when you were younger. It’s that way for most women. It’s hard to predict where life’s path will take you until you’re on your way and you realize just how many obstacles there are to get past. One of the bigger bumps in the road may be your marriage. Even if you’re completely satisfied with the relationship and you wouldn’t change a thing, your husband may not share that same sentiment. What should you be doing if he doesn’t want to be married anymore? Is it worth it to keep trying to make the marriage fulfilling and happy for him or are you better off throwing in the towel and trying to build a life by yourself? This is your life and your future and if you want your marriage to work, you need to set about changing your husband’s mind.
Many people attribute a man’s desire to end his marriage to a mid-life crisis. If your husband is of the age for this, you may have allowed this thought to creep into your mind sometimes. It’s easy to blame his dissatisfaction on the fact that he has to face his own mortality and his emotions may be getting the better of him. It’s rare for a man to want to walk away from the most important relationship in his life simply because he realizes half of his life has passed. The problems run much deeper than that and it’s important for you, as his wife and life partner, to recognize that.
Talk to your husband about what is at the root of his desire to end the marriage. Listen to him and try your best not to jump in and interrupt him. Encourage him to be honest and assure him that you’ll do your best not to become overly emotional. Your marriage is at stake here so it’s vitally important that you treat this as the most important conversation you’ll ever have. You need to stay focused and you need to absorb everything he says. Learn from what he tells you so you can have a better understanding of what you need to be doing for him to make the marriage better.
Ask him to consider holding off on his decision to leave the relationship. Tell him that you want to work on the marriage and you’re willing to compromise on any changes that he needs from you. Maybe he’s been feeling you neglect him or that you’re spending more time focused on your career than on him. Perhaps he doesn’t feel as supported as he once did in the pursuit of his own dreams. Whatever is driving him to want to make this major life change is what you need to focus on with him.
Sometimes a bit of distance actually can work in your favor if your husband is feeling the marriage isn’t working. When a person is immersed in a situation that is wrought with difficult emotions they can’t always see the good and positive it brings to their life. If your husband takes some time away from you, in the form of a weekend with friends or perhaps even a short, temporary separation, he may see the marriage through new eyes. The idea of the marriage being over and the reality of that are two very different things. He may just need to realize what he’s at risk of losing and that will be enough to push him back into wanting to make things work because he doesn’t want to face his future without you.
Don’t spend another day wishing your marriage was different. If you want your husband to treat you differently, make it happen. You can have the deeply connected, fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted.
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