Posts Tagged ‘he won’t put me first’

My Boyfriend Doesn’t Put Me First! How to Change This Now

Let’s admit it. We all want to feel as though we’re the most important thing in our boyfriend’s life. Every woman wishes for a relationship in which the man she adores puts her first. Unfortunately, most relationships just aren’t like that. If you’re with a man who repeatedly puts his own needs first, that’s incredibly frustrating. You feel second best all the time and you wonder if you’ll ever feel as though your needs and wants really matter. You’ve likely spoken to your guy about what you’re feeling but has anything really changed? If you’re tired of being pushed behind your man’s own needs, now is the time to change it. Unless you want to continue to feel second best to him, you have to take specific actions to shift the dynamic of the relationship so your own needs are being acknowledged and met.


Stop Giving So Much to the Relationship

When you give a man more than you get back, in an emotional sense, you’re living in a very unbalanced relationship. Men are quick to pick up how much a woman is willing to do for them. If you’re the type of woman who drops everything to rush to be with her guy when he calls, that’s sending him a very clear message about how you view yourself. He’ll immediately assume that you place more value on his needs than your own. You must change that.

Starting this moment it’s important that you recognize that the most important person in your life is you. Yes, of course, you love your boyfriend, but he has shown you, through his past actions, that he loves himself more than he loves you. That’s a good indicator that you need to follow his lead, and love yourself more.

If he calls and tells you that he has a free evening and wants to see you, tell him that you’re busy. If you’ve always been the one to tidy up his place because he’s not attentive enough to that, stop doing it. Whatever effort you are putting into the relationship that you believe will make him love you more, you must shift to yourself.

Spend less time tending to your boyfriend’s needs and more time focused on your own needs. He’ll notice the change in you almost immediately and it will send him a very strong message that says that you’re not going to continue to jump through hoops for him.

Don’t Discuss the Relationship with Him Right Now

Men can very quickly tone out a woman when she’s talking non-stop about the relationship and her needs. If you have tried explaining to your boyfriend that you feel that he always puts you second and nothing has changed to this point, bringing it up again isn’t going to do any good or change a thing.

If you suddenly stop talking about it and act somewhat distant and removed, that will make him sit up and take notice. As women, we must recognize that if we continue to accept behavior from the man in our lives that we’re not completely happy with, we’re still sending him a silent message that suggests it’s all okay. Take for instance, the problem of a man who never puts you first. Even if you complain repeatedly to him that you want him to recognize your needs more, and he refuses to do that, the fact that you’re still right there beside him suggests to him that you’re really fine with it.

Dropping all talk about what you feel is wrong with your connection with your boyfriend will make him realize something isn’t quite right. Men respond much better to a woman who is strong, focused and confident.

Refocus on Your Own Life and Interests

When a man senses that a woman needs him to be the center of her world, he will often pull back because he can’t handle the pressure that comes with that. When a couple is in the dating stages of their relationship it’s important for both partners to keep a balanced objective. If you have pushed aside everything in your life to make room for your relationship, your boyfriend may start to resent the fact that you expect him to do the same. That could translate into him never putting you first deliberately as a way of making it clear to you that he relishes having his own life that is separate from you.

You need to start chasing your own interests again. That may be anything from hanging out with your girlfriends more to planning an exotic vacation with your sister. Whatever you feel you have been placing aside in favor of being with your boyfriend should become your focus now.

Many women make the mistake of placing their career dreams on hold while they devote more time to their man. If you’re guilty of this you need to shift that back into place now. The happier, stronger and more fulfilled you are as a woman, the more desirable you will become to your man.

By putting your own interests and needs first, you’ll be demonstrating to your boyfriend, exactly what you need from him. Show him that he’s no longer number one on your priority list and he’ll start working harder to show you that he’s worth that spot by putting you first in his own life.

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