Posts Tagged ‘boyfriend hates me past’

My Boyfriend Can’t Handle My Past! How to Handle This Delicate Situation

Unfortunately, not many of us go into our lifelong romantic relationship without some sort of past. It’s inevitable that eventually a discussion will occur in which both you and the man you adore will confess your deepest, darkest, past relationship secrets. Even though any other entanglements happened before you two met, they can still cause a lot of conflict in the present. Such is the case with a man who just can’t seem to get over the reality that his girlfriend had boyfriends before him. If your man can’t handle the fact that you do have a past, you’re facing an uphill battle. Once you confess your past sins to him you obviously can’t take them back. However, there are things you can do to effectively undo the damage you’ve already done and get him to see beyond what you did before you met him. Getting your man to focus on the here and now is truly the key to accomplishing this.

Make Certain He Knows That What You Feel For Him is Different

It’s impossible to know how much is too much to tell about your past. In most relationships we strive for full disclosure. We want the connection to be based on honesty and that includes frankness about any relationships that may have been significant that happened in the past.

However, you can never really know for certain how your man will eventually react to the news that you were involved with other men before him. Some guys take the information in stride and never give it a second thought, others allow the details to fester in their emotional core and it quickly becomes a source of unending conflict between the couple.

You can typically tell if your man is bothered by the news that you have indeed had a past before him. He’ll ask countless questions about your former lovers and he may even ask you to compare him to them. If this does indeed happen you must be very clear with your boyfriend that he is the only man you have ever felt so close to. You must make a point of expressing to him that you believe the connection you two share surpasses anything you had in the past. Make certain that your boyfriend understands that you feel that any experiences you may have had before meeting him were only to fill in your time until he walked into your life. Ensure he feels very special.

Encourage Him to Focus on The Present and The Future

If your boyfriend repeatedly wants to talk about your past relationships, switch the conversation to what you want to do now and tomorrow with him. Some men become so fixated on their girlfriend’s past that they can’t enjoy what is happening between them right now in the moment. You have to be the one to guide your man towards this enlightenment and you can do that by creating new experiences for both of you. Each and every time you say to your boyfriend, “I’ve never done that before,” he’ll feel he’s embarking on a new adventure that you’re only going to share with him. It doesn’t matter if it’s rock climbing or trying a new restaurant. The focus should be on creating new memories that only involve the two of you.

It’s also wise to gently tell him that you can’t change your past and that he needs to let it rest so it doesn’t create an enormous divide between the two of you. He may feel unable or unwilling to do that but it’s important that you stress to him that unless he does, the relationship can’t move forward.

Realize That His Insecurities Are Driving His Behavior

When a man asks a woman about her past, he’s typically doing so with an expectation that he’ll be able to handle whatever she shares. If the information reaches beyond the scope of what he expected to hear, it may push some vulnerability buttons within his ego.

Even if your other experiences were years and years ago, your man may take them as a personal challenge. He may wonder what you saw in other men and he may also take on the unreal idea that you should have waited for someone like him, or him, in particular.

If he asked about your past and you shared what you felt was appropriate in an honest and compassionate way, you can’t possibly control his reaction. You are not responsible for his bruised or threatened ego. You can’t carry with you the guilt that your confession changed the relationship. If your connection falters because of your honesty, that’s a clear indicator that your man’s ego matters more to him than honesty between you two.

There may come a point when you have to decide if you want to continue defending your past choices as you’re trying to build a new and meaningful connection with a man who seems stuck on your past. It’s important to remember that regardless of how much he may wish you could change your past, you can’t. If he can’t accept the woman you are now, including who you were in the past, that may be a sticking point you two can’t get past.

Sharing too much of your past can actually drive a wedge between you and your man that is near impossible to fix. There is a way to undo any mistake and get him back in love with you again.

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My Boyfriend is Mad About My Past! How to Handle This Dating Drama

My boyfriend is mad about my past,” said the woman filled with confusion. You thought you were being forthcoming and honest when you spilled the beans on all your dating adventures to your guy, right? He didn’t seem as receptive to that information as you hoped. In fact, the look of sheer horror on his face told you that you’d just made a big mistake. As much as our guys tell us that they love us no matter what, there are some subjects that do impact how they feel. Your dating past is one of them. If you’ve made the all-too-common mistake of telling your man too much about your history, you have to do something drastic to change things. If you don’t, you’ll risk losing him. Some men just can’t accept the fact that their girlfriend was once attracted to or in love with someone else.

Obviously you wish you could shoot yourself back into time. If you could you would never have brought up your past, right? Unfortunately, it’s too late for that now.  It’s out there and he’s well aware of it. He likely is allowing the thoughts of you with other men to consume his thoughts. Even though those relationships are now over and have been for some time, it doesn’t matter to him. He can only see that you were close to other men before him.

Your job now has to be ensuring that he understands that there isn’t anyone else you think of but him. You can start that by not apologizing over and over again for sharing too much. Each time you do that you’re shining a mega watt spotlight on that information. It brings it to the surface again and it becomes the focal point of your conversation. Stop talking about it if you want to get his mind to focus more on the here and now than what went on back then.

Explain to him that you just want to move forward and that you feel incredibly grateful to be with him now. Then you need to prove that to him by treating him like the treasure he is to you. That means going out of your way to do the things that make him happy. If you tend to complain about little things, stop doing that now. You want each and every experience he has with you whether it’s just sitting on the sofa watching television or even intimate situations to be enjoyable and memorable.

It will take time to move past your past but it can certainly be done. The key is to not bring up anyone you’ve dated before again. Stay focused on how great your boyfriend is, and remind him of why you care so deeply for him. Tell him every day that there isn’t anyone you’d want to be with more. If you do that, he’ll soon forget who you were with before and his thoughts will be much more centered on the future and how you two will explore that together.

When a woman makes a critical mistake in her relationship it can damage it forever. If you’ve done anything that has caused your man to pull back, there is a way for you to get his interest back now.

Learn how to erase just about any mistake with your man by clicking here.

 

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