What to Do When Your Husband is Distant? Advice to Help Your Marriage

Your husband has become distant. Maybe you noticed it right away or perhaps it’s been brewing for several months or weeks. At this point there’s no denying that something has shifted between the two of you. You feel as though he’s pulled back and isn’t as invested in the marriage as he once was. Naturally, that’s going to make you panic and wonder where your marriage is headed in the future. Before you rush to the judgement that your husband is ready to file for divorce, you must take a moment to evaluate what caused him to become distant, and what you can do to change things. You should never see a shift in your marriage as the beginning of the end if you love your husband. Instead, it must be viewed as an important red flag that is waving in your direction, alerting you to the fact that you need to put more attention and effort into your marriage so you can improve it from this day forward.

Evaluate What is Going on In Your Husband’s Life

As women, and wives in particular, we often shoulder the burden when things in our marriage aren’t as perfect as we’d like. We take it as a personal affront when our husband is quiet or becomes withdrawn. Immediately, we believe that the problem has to be within the connection that we share with him. The fact is that your husband’s change in demeanor may have very little to do with you at all.

Things like stress at work, worry over bills or even a friend in distress can all affect a man and how he interacts with his wife. Many men can’t compartmentalize their feelings so if they are worried about one matter, it’s likely that will carry over to their marriage.

You must look at your husband’s life as a whole and evaluate exactly what’s going on. If you know that he’s facing downsizing at work, that’s going to impact how he acts and feels. The same is true if he has a health issue that he can’t ignore. It’s important that you don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that your husband is distant because of something you have done or because he’s not satisfied within the marriage.

Spend More Time with Your Husband

Sometimes, within a marriage, one partner will pull back because they instinctively feel that their needs aren’t being met. This can occur in a marriage in which the wife has many responsibilities that rest squarely on her shoulders. If you feel that you’re already pulled to the limit in regards to everything you need to accomplish in any given day, your husband is likely feeling some of that as well.

You must make an effort to spend more time with your husband. This can feel awkward initially particularly if he’s pulled back from you recently. However, someone has to take the first step towards getting the marriage back into a healthier and emotionally stronger place.

Plan on moments you two can share together. This can something as simple as getting out of bed earlier to share a morning cup of coffee with him before he leaves for work, or setting some time aside at the end of the day to catch up on each others’ lives. Your husband must feel as though you view him as a priority in your life.

Share a Conversation About What You’re Both Feeling

Beginning a conversation about the fact that your husband is distant can be challenging. It’s necessary though if you want the marriage to move forward. You do have to approach this type of discussion in a very compassionate and respectful way. If you just walk up to your husband and ask him why he’s been distant, he’ll likely tell you that you’re imagining it all. The fact is, depending on what is causing him to retreat into himself, that he may not even realize he’s doing it.

You can’t start a discussion on this from an accusatory stand point. You must open the dialogue in a way that suggests that you want the marriage to be better and that you both need to play a role in that. If you tell your husband that you want to do whatever you can to improve and strengthen the marriage he’s not going to feel as though he’s the one being attacked.

This shouldn’t be a conversation that only occurs once. It needs to be an ongoing, open and productive dialogue between you two. If you can help your husband see that communication is the key to a thriving marriage, he may just pull himself back out of his shell. A caring, compassionate and understanding wife is what every man desires. Show your distant husband that you love him no matter what and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage happier and he’ll likely want to work just as hard as you do to reconnect on the deepest level with you.

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