There are many ups and down within a marriage that a couple has to deal with. Those issues range from the birth of children to managing debt and mortgage payments. As long as you and your husband face everything together it feels manageable. When the dynamic between you two starts to shift it can feel as though the entire relationship is changing. Dealing with a husband who isn’t affectionate anymore isn’t an easy thing. You want to point out to him that you sense a noticeable change in how he’s treating you but that typically results in an argument. Is there a productive way to change this so your husband becomes more affectionate again? There is and you’re going to be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to transform this particular element of your marriage.
Talk to Your Husband Openly About What You Feel
Communication can become an elephant in the room for many marriages. As much as we know how fundamentally important open communication is, we struggle to find ways to express to our husbands our needs, wants and desires. You must talk with your husband about what you need from him. It’s important that you do this in a way that is both compassionate and understanding.
Accusing your husband of not caring about you or blaming him directly for the lack of affection isn’t going to get you the results you want. What is more likely to happen is he’ll retreat back into himself or he’ll become overly defensive. There isn’t a man anywhere who wants to feel as though he’s let his wife down. That’s why it’s essential that you approach this from a place of calmness and simply state to him that you miss holding his hand, kissing him and just being close. Make it clear to him that you have failed in this regard too. If he senses that you’re taking some of the responsibility for the lost affection in the marriage, he won’t feel attacked.
Lead By Example And Show Him Want You Need
There’s a great deal of value in leading by example within your marriage. Simply stating to your husband that you wish he was more affectionate is only going to serve to make him feel criticized. He’ll sense he’s lacking as a life partner and that may cause him to just give up altogether. If a man feels he isn’t doing something right and he has no idea how to remedy that, it’s often easier for him to just throw in the towel of defeat.
If you show him how to be more affectionate, he’ll be that much more likely to follow suit. In other words, if you begin the process of being more affectionate and loving towards him, he’ll feel compelled to reciprocate and eventually will just take control and become more loving on his own.
You don’t have to put a great deal of effort into this. The smallest gestures often have the biggest impact. For instance, reaching for your husband’s hand when you two are walking side-by-side is a subtle form of affection. You can amp it up by kissing him occasionally when he isn’t expecting it. Throwing your arms around him to give him a hug is also another way to show him you love him, in a physical sense.
Be Affectionate With Words as Well as Actions
Affection, true, deep and lasting affection comes from a place deep within. If you want your husband to be more affectionate to you, it’s important that you connect with him on a very deep emotional level. The physical affection that you crave will become a natural extension of the closeness that you two share.
Tell your husband, on a very regular and frequent basis, just how much you love him. Call him by a pet name that he doesn’t find silly or condescending. Make it abundantly clear to him that you’re very proud to be his wife and his life partner. If you shower him with affectionate words and feelings, he’s going to feel closer to you and in turn, will want to be more affectionate as an outward sign of what he’s feeling internally.
Not only will this help you to get the affection from your husband that you crave but it will also ensure that you two build a stronger marriage that is based in love and mutual respect. You’ll have a marriage that is better than you ever imagined it could be.