“How can I stop loving him?” Women often ask me this in the days following the end of their dating relationship. They recognize that the connection is over but the feelings are still strong and pressing. They feel lost and emotionally vulnerable. For me, after my break up, it felt as though my ex boyfriend had taken my heart when he left me. I was certain I’d never feel whole again and I doubted that I’d ever be able to love. I’m here to assure you that it does get better. I know that right now things feel very difficult and overwhelming. I want you to consider something for just a moment. Maybe your focus needs to be more on helping yourself to feel whole again rather than worrying about moving past loving your ex boyfriend.
You can’t will yourself to stop loving your ex boyfriend, Believe me, I’ve tried, as have countless women before you. Emotions are complicated things. It’s impossible to just decide that you’ll no longer care for him or long for him. If you do that, you’ll be focusing all of your emotional energy on trying to stop loving your ex boyfriend and in turn, he takes over more of your life. You’ll find it much more productive and helpful if you just try and push him to the side for now and immerse yourself in taking care of the person who matters the most at the moment – YOU!
Stop talking about your ex boyfriend to everyone who will listen. This is such a natural thing to do but it causes so much internal conflict. Obviously, talking about your emotions can be very cathartic, but it can also prolong the misery and pain. If you constantly ramble on about how your ex broke your heart each and every time anyone asks how you are, you are handing all your emotional power to him even though he chose not to be a part of your life anymore.
Just for today, don’t mention him to anyone at all. If a friend asks how you’re doing since the break up, respond that you’re good or okay. Don’t get pulled into a discussion about your ex. It will be very tempting to do so especially if your friend asks about him, but refrain from even saying his name. Instead, just comment on the fact that you’re focused on what’s coming up in your life, not what’s behind you.
Distance can be a lifesaver when it comes to moving past your feelings for an ex boyfriend. If you can fill your time with activities that don’t involve obsessing over your ex boyfriend, you’ll find that you’ll think of him less and less. Granted, there will be moments when you walk past a gentlemen who wears the same cologne as your ex and you’ll be overcome with sadness, or you’ll hear a song on the radio that reminds you of your time with him. When that does happen, move away from whatever the trigger is and think about something more positive.
In time, you’ll feel the pull towards your boyfriend will lighten its grip. You’ll also discover that you can think of him without feeling melancholy or depressed. As long as you keep your focus on you and not him, you’re on the road to a new and happier beginning.
In some cases, it’s impossible to stop loving a man because deep in your heart you believe you two are destined to be. If you feel that with your ex boyfriend, there are ways to open the lines of communication again and get the relationship back on track. You can read more about those techniques here.