“My ex boyfriend still texts me!” said the very excited, broken hearted woman. Unfortunately, today, you’re playing the role of the dumped woman who is all aglow now that her ex has been sending a few polite and maybe even flirty text messages her way. It’s given you renewed hope, hasn’t it? Now that he’s back in contact you’ve convinced yourself that it means one thing and one thing only. You’ve jumped to the conclusion that his text messages mean he’s still in love with you and wants you back. You need to slow your heart down and take a deep breath. Reading too much into his actions is natural but you have to be aware of his true motivations. Just because he’s texting you again, that doesn’t automatically mean he’s ready to be your boyfriend.
There are so many confusing and strong emotions that course through a person after a break up. There’s the initial disbelief that it’s over. That is soon followed by anger that you were dumped and then finally acceptance. Moving forward can be a feat unto itself but when you do it’s typically with renewed confidence in yourself and in the knowledge that you’re going to find a man who appreciates, accepts and adores you. If you happen to throw the wrench of an unexpected text message from your ex boyfriend into that mix, everything gets thrown off course.
On the other side of the coin, the person who did the dumping, in this case your ex boyfriend, also has to shoulder a lot of conflicting and overwhelming emotions. If he ended things with full knowledge that you loved him, there’s going to be some guilt involved on his part. He may also feel regret along the way because he realizes that you were someone special and a woman that added something very positive to his life. However, loneliness can also rear its emotional head and if that happens, he may come crawling back looking for you to throw some attention and adoration his way.
When you first receive a text message from your ex it’s likely going to knock you off your feet. It doesn’t matter if the message is a simple “hi” or if it’s an apology for the break up. Emotionally you’re not prepared for it, so it will feel as though it’s a ball coming out of left field that you just aren’t prepared to catch. It’s expected that if you still care about him that you’ll respond quickly and favourably. He’s counting on that happening.
Although there’s a chance that he may be looking to reconnect and start up the relationship again, you must be fully aware that his motivations may be more short term. If he’s found no fulfillment in dating other women he may just be looking for someone to fill in the time until the next girl comes along. Obviously, that’s not who you want to be. You need to ensure that you don’t open yourself up to more pain by playing into his hand.
Be careful of how you reply to him and how much interest you show. Even though you may be jumping out of your seat because you feel your dream of being with him again is becoming a reality, don’t forget the emotional wringer he put you through when he dumped you. Unless he apologizes for his behavior, explains why he sought out the break up and has a clear plan for how things will work better for the two of you in the future, don’t fall into this trap. There is absolutely no reason for you to rush back into his life. Respond to his text messages as any acquaintance would and allow him to show you that he’s interested in more than a temporary fling.
Remember to stay strong and realistic if your ex boyfriend is texting you. Although your heart may believe it’s because he still adores you, listen to your head and common sense.
If you are determined to get him back, learn the right approach to take so you don’t appear too desperate to him. You have one chance to make this relationship work again, so do it the right way.