As a marriage begins to mature the couple involved often become so comfortable with one another that they each assume the other can read their minds. It’s actually something most of us of the female gender dream of. Who doesn’t want to be married to a man who can anticipate your every thought? Most men aren’t designed that way though and if you feel that you and your husband aren’t on the same wavelength it can lead to endless conflict. Expressing your feelings to your husband is obviously important if you want your marriage to be balanced and happy, but it can sometimes be a challenge to tell him what you’re feeling. Writing a letter to him is often a great approach because it allows you time to gather your thoughts and express them in a way that is non-confrontational.
Here are several tips that will help you write a letter to your husband:
Be compassionate. If you feel that your husband isn’t paying attention to you the way he used to or you are struggling with a conflict that you two are currently working through, don’t start your letter by accusing him of anything negative. The moment he reads that you believe he’s wrong, he’ll shut down and anything you’ve written after that statement won’t be absorbed by him at all. Keep the tone of your letter compassionate and not accusatory. Your goal is to get your point across in the clearest and kindest way possible.
Don’t bring up things from the distant past. It can be very difficult not to feel a sense of resentment towards your husband if you’ve been distancing yourself from him for some time. However, this is not the time to bring up something he did a few months or a year ago. You can’t fix a marriage by living in the past. Your focus must be on the future and your letter must be written with that in mind. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of barraging him with a list of everything he’s done wrong since you two married. That’s not fair to him.
Mention the changes you’d like to make in yourself. Although you may feel that your husband is to blame for all the negativity that is consuming your marriage, it takes two to make things work. We all could stand to make some self improvements and you need to be honest with yourself about what you can do to become a more loving and supportive wife. Sometimes a man will spend less time focusing on making his wife happy because he feels taken for granted. Be as honest as possible with yourself in regards to what you can do to improve your marriage.
Share how much you love and value him. Men thrive on the knowledge that their partner really appreciates their unique qualities. If your husband has heard nothing but negative remarks from you it will deeply impact his self esteem. He’ll strive to be a better partner to you if he feels that you appreciate him just as he is. Thank him in the letter for everything positive he brings to your life. Mention what a good father he is and how much you are thankful for his contributions to the family and to your marriage. If you build up his self esteem by letting him know you are happy you married him, he’ll be willing to begin working on making the marriage better for both of you.
Once you’ve finished writing the letter to your husband, place it aside for a day or two. It’s advisable because it gives you time to rethink what you want to say to him. Once some time has passed, reread the letter again and add anything additional that you want to say.
Present the letter to your husband when he’s in a relaxed and happy mood. Preface it by telling him that your marriage is the most important relationship in your life and your wish is for it to be stronger and more fulfilling for you both. If you give it to him in a positive way like this it’s much more likely that it will be well received by him.
Don’t spend another day wishing your marriage was different. If you want your husband to treat you differently, make it happen. You can have the deeply connected, fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted.
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