The day you married the man of your dreams you probably envisioned a future filled with love and tenderness. It’s natural for every bride on her wedding day to feel that way. You love the man and he’s your own personal prince charming who will fulfill your every dream and make your life perfect, right? That illusion tends to last as long as the honeymoon or until he does something unappealing. No relationship is perfect, but it’s how you handle the pitfalls that will determine if your marriage is strong and happy or destined for divorce. Being aware of what your husband is feeling at any given time helps tremendously. If a woman hears herself saying, “my husband is distant,” it’s time to get to work to shift his feelings so he feels closer again.
When you first come to the realization that your husband is distant, don’t overact. It’s natural for you to feel somewhat panicked about the change in the relationship but making too big of a deal over it can cause more harm than good. Most men aren’t all that crazy about the idea of talking about their innermost feelings. If confronted by an obviously upset wife a man is more apt to blame his distant behavior on work issues or worry over finances. A man knows that the moment he confesses to his wife about that fact that he’s not feeling as invested in the marriage as he once was, she’ll fly into full panic mode and the tears and demands will begin.
You need to put on your wifely detective hat and do some investigating of your own. Think about your marriage in general and when you think your husband’s attitude started to shift. In some cases a man will become distant after a very large conflict that has yet to find a resolution. Other men will become distant if they feel their wife isn’t devoting as much time to the marriage as she should. This sometimes happens if the wife has a demanding career that steals her time away or if she has small children that she’s devoting her energy to. If you can pinpoint when your husband started pulling away emotionally from you, you’ll have a starting place to rebuild the marriage.
Obviously, you will need to talk with him at some point about the distance that has appeared in your marriage. You need to be compassionate and understanding as you do this. Don’t approach him from a place of anger or disappointment but instead from a place of deep compassion and understanding. Tell him that your marriage is important to you and you want to work with him to make it better for you both. Encourage him to share with him what he feels is lacking in the relationship and make it clear that you’re not going to take offense at the things he says. He may hold back out of fear of upsetting you but this is really when you two need to get your cards out on the table.
Remember that just as it took time to build your marriage, it will take time to rebuild it too. Don’t push him too much as you two work towards reconnection. Instead, plan for time alone with the man you love so you two can focus solely and completely on each other. If your husband sees that you’re ready, willing and enthusiastic about the idea of improving your marriage, he’ll be more inclined to want the same thing. Never miss a chance to tell him how much you utterly adore him and how grateful you feel to be the woman he’s chosen to share his life and future with.
Don’t spend another day wishing your marriage was different. If you want your husband to treat you differently, make it happen. You can have the deeply connected, fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted.
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