It’s amazing, isn’t it? Marriage is rarely exactly what you envision it to be the day you make your vows to the man you love. On that day you imagine that you two are completely different than any other couple that has ever walked down the aisle towards wedded bliss. You imagine that your partner is unlike any other man who has ever been married. You predict that your life will be filled with long nights of compassionate talking and sharing and few, if any, arguments. Once that fairytale bubble has popped and you and your husband are living through the stresses and challenges that every married couple faces you soon realize that marriage is hard work. If you’re a woman who is now saying, “my husband says he hates me,” it’s time to evaluate the dynamic of your marriage and what you can do to change things so you and your husband are closer and more emotionally connected to one another.
If your husband says he hates you it’s vitally important that you consider the context in which he said those words to you. They are obviously very hurtful and strong words and it’s important to be clear about what was driving him to share those feelings with you. If you two were embroiled in a heated argument before he said it, that’s important to consider. Many people don’t have the ability to filter what they say before they say it, especially in the heat of the moment. If he said it during an argument consider that he only used those particular words as a way to lash out at you and to hurt you.
It’s important to share with your husband how deeply his words impacted you. Talk to him calmly about what you are feeling and how difficult it’s been since he told you he hated you. He may be surprised to learn that you absorbed the words in such a strong way especially if he only said them in verbal retaliation during a spat. He likely doesn’t even realize the emotional turmoil you’re in at the moment so it’s important that you share that with him.
Talk with him about what changes you both can make so the marriage is more enriching and satisfying for each of you. Listen carefully to his thoughts as well as his criticisms. It’s hard to hear negative feedback from your spouse but it can be instrumental in changing your marriage so it has a fighting chance.
At the same time look at and evaluate your own behavior within the marriage. If you have been doing things that you know bother your husband, change your ways. If you’ve taken to nagging him because you feel he doesn’t listen to you, stop that immediately. As much as we as women hate to admit when we’re wrong it’s essential that you do take ownership of your flaws and work to change them.
Don’t spend another day wishing your marriage was different. If you want your husband to treat you differently, make it happen. You can have the deeply connected, fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted.
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