One thing that’s very different about men and women is our need for constant contact. It’s almost unilateral. We love physical contact and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it’s a wonderful and endearing quality. We crave those small things in a relationship. Like when our guy reaches for our hand or even when he surprises us in the middle of the day with an unexpected phone call. Those little gestures are what define a relationship. When that relationship starts to fall apart, we still yearn for the same amount of contact. We reach out to our ex boyfriends just as much as when we were still together. As natural and compelling as it feels to do that, it’s actually detrimental. Surprisingly, mending a broken relationship has a lot more to do with making him miss you than it does with trying to talk through your troubles.
Men feel overwhelmed when they miss something. Typically it’s harder for a man to absorb and accept those types of feelings of longing. That’s why it’s so essential for you to create distance after the break up. The less you are in contact with him, the more he’ll think about you. It’s a very easy equation to remember.
In the world we live in today, contact with anyone is really just a phone call or mouse click away. When you and your boyfriend were together you two likely spent a great deal of your time communicating this way. You could text him whenever you felt the need to share something, chatting on a social networking site was convenient and easy and calling him took no effort at all. It’s hard to break free from that once the relationship has ended. Even though all those tools are still right there in front of you, it’s up to you to resist the urge.
Taking the steps towards breaking free can be challenging, but with a plan firmly at hand, it’s much less painful and stressful. If you had a pattern where you texted him each morning or called him, you need to start with overcoming that urge. Change your morning routine right away. Get up a little later so there’s no time for considering a call. Arrange to call a friend instead if you feel you’ll need a little boost to get over the urge to contact him. Take it day by day and within just a few days that habit will be broken and you’ll feel stronger.
As for dealing with the desire to call him the rest of the day, keep yourself very busy. Focus on other things that you have going on. One great way to deal with a break up is to immerse yourself in a new experience. It’s never a bad time to volunteer to help others. By giving of yourself to people who need you, you’ll feel more enriched and determined. At the same time, your boyfriend will wonder where you’ve gotten to and with each day that passes, he’ll become more focused on that. It’s truly a situation where everyone, especially you, is a winner.
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