“My husband is selfish.” Any time a woman says that it’s with a sense of sadness and regret. You didn’t marry a selfish man or at least it didn’t appear to be that way, did it? At the time you two met he was so attentive to your needs and could almost predict when you could use his attention. That’s all changed now. Instead of a partner who helps equally, you’re dealing with a man who seems more focused on his own life and the things he wants. It’s obviously deeply concerning when this happens. No woman should be expected to life in an unbalanced relationship like this. If you’re tired of your partner being so self-centered, you have the power to change it.
What most of us are inclined to do when we start to see our husband acting selfish is call him on it. We think nothing of confronting him about his behavior. The problem is that many men just don’t recognize that they’re doing it. In their minds, their needs are paramount right now because they’ve given so much to their family over the years. If you two have been married for some time and you’re approaching middle age, you may be quick to jump on the train of thought that it’s his mid-life crisis. Although that may certainly play a role, this type of behavior is prevalent in men of all ages.
Instead of talking to him about the problem, think about dealing with it in a more constructive manner. If he truly feels justified in putting his needs above everyone else’s you have to give him a taste of his own medicine. Yes, this seems juvenile but often in a relationship it’s about dealing with things at a very basic level.
Although you should never lose sight of your children throughout this process, you do need to start putting yourself first. A wonderfully effective piece of advice for women who feel neglected in their marriages is to break out of the role of wife and mother for a time. That means that you’re going to need to be selfish too in order to show him how his own behavior is impacting everything.
A few days before the weekend tell him that he needs to mind the children and the house because you are going away. You deserve a small getaway so arrange something with a friend. This doesn’t have to be expensive. You two can simply sneak away to a local spa, spend the evening in a nice hotel and share a decadent dinner together. You probably can think of a few friends who could stand a small getaway themselves too. You may need to do this several times for it to fully sink in for him.
Your husband is bound to label you selfish for doing this but that’s what you want to have happen. He has to feel the effects of your behavior on not only himself but the family too. Once he’s fully responsible for taking care of everything, he’ll start to see the light and with any luck, his selfish streak will be a thing of the past.
You have the power to change your marriage if your husband ignores you.
Learn what steps you can take now to get your husband to pay more attention to you and to your family.