“My husband hurt my feelings.” That statement is always said with some sadness. Our spouse is the person we’re closest to. They are supposed to be our emotional safe spot in the world so when they say something hurtful, the pain runs deeply. One big problem in many marriages is the husband doesn’t fully understand how damaging his words can be. He may not see it as a big deal when he says something that bites, but you do.
You’re emotionally wounded and you want him to understand. That’s completely reasonable when your husband hurts your feelings. You try and explain to him why it caused you pain but in most cases he’s just not going to grasp it. What typically occurs is he’ll tell you that you’re overreacting and once that happens you’ll feel even more hurt. You withdraw and perhaps even stop talking to him for a time. He gets more confused and the conflict just escalates. There is a better way to handle this situation so you can get your husband to be more compassionate and caring without you nagging him into doing it.
Changing this type of repetitive behavior in your husband takes time. If he hurts your feelings on a continual basis you need to have a plan in place for each and every time it happens. That way you’ll be prepared to react in a constructive way. Over time, if you handle this properly, his attitude will change and those hurtful comments will be a distant memory.
When your husband hurts your feelings, take a moment to breathe deeply before you say a word. This will give you time to calm down so you don’t launch into a full scale attack against him. Your initial reaction is going to be to lash out at him verbally. That just starts a cycle of destructive behavior that isn’t good for either of you.
Many believe firmly believe that you can change another person’s negative attitude by being more positive with them. This works well in this type of situation. When your husband is criticizing you or deliberately saying things that he knows causes you pain, do the exact opposite with him. Wait a few moments and then say something positive about him. It may be telling him that you are grateful that he did a particular job around the house or you appreciate what a great father he is. He’ll be taken back by this and won’t expect it at all. If you continue to do this each time he says something hurtful, it will change his demeanor. If he feels you being kind and considerate of him, he’s likely to follow suit with you.
When your husband hurts your feelings it changes your marriage.
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