There are four stages that lead up to a divorce through the duration of a marriage. The first stage starts with criticism. Most couples do not have communication skills that teach them how to communicate with their partners during a heated argument. It is natural to want to hurt another person’s feelings, when they are hurting yours. Criticizing another person is a sure-fire way to hurt their feelings, and cause an argument to go on well past a point that it should. When a couple who are criticizing each other do not apologize for the things that they said, it begins to turn into contempt, which takes us to our second stage that can lead to a divorce.
The contempt stage is when both parties have been so hurt and damaged through hundreds of fights, and harsh words, and criticism that they no longer have loving feelings for that person. The love that they felt for that person when they first decided to get married, may be all, but gone at this stage.
The third stage is defensiveness. At this stage, both parties spend most of their time defending themselves against criticism and contempt. The fourth stage is stalling. At this stage, the couple are no longer cooperating with each other, and they are barely talking to each other. At this stage, divorce will most likely be on each others minds. If both partners still believe that their marriage is worth saving, they can save it.
There are four solutions that will save a marriage once the four stages have been reached. The first solution is turning a negative into a positive. For one thing, if one of the partners ask for a divorce, the other person should refuse. If both spouses show a genuine interest in saving the marriage, agreements can be reached. By the time the subject of divorce comes up, both individuals are already trying to find ways to save the marriage before taking such a drastic step.
Turning a negative into a positive is starting every conversation with a positive slant, instead of a negative one. Both partners should agree with each other, and compliment the other.
The second solution is finding the things that the partners loved about each other in the first place. Take them back to familiar places when they both began to fall in love. They should talk to each other, communicate, laugh, and compliment each other.
The third solution is to find more time for each other, so that they can spend more time communicating their thoughts and feelings in a positive manner. This may mean sneaking away to a quiet dinner with the help of a babysitter from time to time. The monetary investment is well worth the reward.
The fourth solution is to touch each other more, kiss each other, hug each other, and become more intimate. People who get along together, do not think about divorce. It is people who continually fight in nasty ways that start the proceedings for a divorce. Finding the reasons for the divorce, and turning the tables around, the couple can start to back track to the beginning where the fights all began, and they can rewrite history.
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