He’s leaving you. He’s said it and there’s no taking it back. You could actually feel the air leaving your lungs when you heard the words because everything in your world came to a screeching halt. We all know that it’s never good news when the man you loves says he wants to end the marriage. The steps you take right now will actually dictate whether the marriage can be salvaged or whether you’ll have to move forward with the separation and eventual divorce.
When you first realize that he’s leaving you, you’re going to feel an overwhelming urge to argue the point with him. Throughout your marriage you likely confronted your husband when you felt that your needs weren’t being met. You’ll be inclined to do that now but you have to resist the urge to.
Even though you may not realize it at the moment, he’s feeling just as vulnerable as you are. If you verbally attack him and accuse him of abandoning you and your children, you risk alienating him even further emotionally. Right now, he feels that the best thing for him is to leave you. You have to allow that to happen. As hard as it feels to let him go, you need to. By doing so you’re showing him that you can and will place his needs before your own.
If you’re absolutely in no way ready to proceed with a divorce, tell him. Do not agree to it if it’s something you’re not comfortable with. A legal separation, although just as traumatic, allows you both some time to think through what you really want and need.
Throughout this process allow your husband to see the best in you. Many men decide to leave their wives because of an intense conflict or momentary disagreement. If you allow your anger and resentment to get the better of you, he’ll feel justified in his decision and will eagerly pursue a full-fledged divorce.
Keep in contact with your spouse after he does leave the family home. Be cordial when you two are dealing with issues surrounding the children. Work on yourself during this time. Don’t push your needs to the backburner in favor of tending to everyone else. You are still a dynamic woman who has a life to lead.
Once a bit of time has passed since the separation began, talk to your husband. Engage him in a dialogue about what you both are looking for in terms of the future. You may just find that since he’s had some time away it’s given him a new perspective. Many men, just like him, leave their wives only to return more in love than ever.
He’s leaving you and you aren’t ready to divorce him. Learn what you can do to save your marriage now.
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