Saving a marriage takes the involvement of two people who are at a crossroads with nowhere left to turn. They feel helpless, confused, and lost. No matter what they do, they cannot seem to find the right key to unlock the door to a happier marriage. A marriage that is on the brink of divorce creates an open opportunity to bring the marriage back from the edge.
Finding out the reasons for a divorce is an ample opportunity to fix the problem. Most couples do not want a divorce in the beginning. What they are looking for is a way out of a situation that is not working. If a married couple had a key to open a locked door, they would use it. The key to any locked door of a marriage is communication.
Most couples have forgotten how to communicate with each other. The only things they have learned lately, is how to hurt each other. Most people know that words can be hurtful weapons, yet they continue to say hurtful things. There are many people who are saying the words, “help me save my marriage,” but during the next argument with their partner, they will continue down their same path of hurtful words.
People who are having problems in their marriage may feel like the answer to their ongoing conflicts are elusive. The main problem is that most people are too close to their situation. They need a chance to stand back and look at their marriage in a more objective way. They need to use words like, “I was hurt when you said this to me,” instead of using words, such as “you hurt me when you said that.” When a person uses the word ‘you,” in an argument, they are instantly putting the other person on the defense. They feel as if they are being accused, judged, and attacked.
Learning to communicate in a marriage is crucial. Learning how to talk to each other without turning the discussion into an argument is also important. Both parties need to constantly check themselves as they are talking to their significant other. Staying alert through a discussion, and watching how their partner reacts to certain things that they say, will help them to know when that part of a discussion is going to get them nowhere. Finding what works, is the key. Getting rid of what does not work will open the door ever so slightly. Keeping their expectations to a minimum will open the door the rest of the way.
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